Confessions of a Reformed Crazy (Ex)Girlfriend

Hello my lovelies. Long time no talk, I apologize for my absence. I hadn't been feeling very inspired lately but that has changed, I have a ton of new ideas for this blog! Today, I am sharing some of my experiences with guys, some may be considered "crazy." If texting a guy 87 times in a row with no response if crazy then fine, I was crazy. I am also going to share with you how I changed my ways because apparently being a psychopath doesn't really help you keep a man. I was inspired to write this after reading a news article about a girl who dumped a pot of boiling water on her boyfriend because he played college football and she wanted more "attention." If you think this behavior is appropriate, then please seek help because I can't help you here.

First, let's start with how some things we may do as women come off as "crazy." If a guy doesn't text you back after even five text messages, he probably isn't that into you, I know that's harsh but after five texts, you're probably getting screenshot and being sent to his friends and getting laughed at. My new rule for myself is if he doesn't respond after two texts, move on but I am also extremely cautious at this point in my life and I hate wasting my time. My friends and I have dubbed my alter ego "Psycho Bree" and Psycho Bree has done many embarrassing things over the years and I am going to be sharing some of those things with you today. I have texted several guys way more than five times, one to the point that he told me he was leaving to join the Marines to get rid of me. I was also ghosted way way before that was even a thing. Ladies, if he's not into you, testing him incessantly isn't going to make him like, I promise you that. I know, trust me I know, it sucks and it hurts but no guy is going to be like "well I wasn't really into her but now that she's sent me 35 text messages, I'm kind of into her."

Next, let's discuss social media. I am not condoning "stalking" on social media, I'm just saying don't get caught. Liking a photo from 105 weeks ago when you two aren't even following each other is a just a no. I do not recommend continuing to follow or stalk them after you break it off with someone, trust me I have done this but honestly, it doesn't help the healing process at all. I am definitely guilty of checking up on them after the breakup and checking up on the new girlfriend too, trust me, it doesn't help at all. I am all for checking someone new out on social media, you have to make sure he's not married or that he isn't the kind of person that only posts memes on their Instagram or that he's not a complete moron with completely opposite views than you. I would really recommend only adding them on social media until after you've gone out a couple of times. If they add you first, then that's great, that shows their interested and they want to know more about you. To recap, checking out a new possible love interest is fine and totally normal, stalking your ex is normal but honestly, very unhealthy for your healing process.

Most of my old "crazy" behavior involved cellular phones and social media and trust me, I have been blocked more than once as embarrassing as it is. I think what helped me realize that my behavior wasn't helping anything was that if a guy isn't into you, doing things that are going to annoy him isn't going to make him like you. In this case, persistence IS NOT key.  Also, why would you even want to be with someone who just isn't that into you? You don't find happiness with someone who doesn't actually want to be with you as harsh as that may sound. You deserve someone who would move mountains for you. (Yes, that is a line from GG) Be comfortable with yourself, learn to love yourself, and the right person will come along when you least expect it. I honestly believe that everyone is put in your life to teach you something so even if a relationship doesn't work out, you find out a little bit about yourself, what you want, what you don't want, etc.

I don't want this post to come off as harsh or make it seem like I'm perfect and I have everything figured out. Trust me, Psycho Bree really wants to come out sometimes and sometimes she would really just enjoy laying into anyone that angers her. She needs to stay where she belongs. I also don't want this to sound like I have some underlying mental disorder, this post is meant to make fun of myself. I am honestly embarrassed about how I have behaved in the past but hopefully we can all learn something from this.

I am getting more inspired to write more blogs about relationships and dating so I think this will be the first of many dating blogs. I'll talk about my failed relationships, dos and don'ts, funny first dates and first dates that I'm lucky I'm alive to be talking about. Let me know what you think!

 XoXo-
Bree Michelle

As always, social media: 

Twitter: @blopez920

Instagram: @bybreemichelle

Learning to Love Yourself: My Struggle

Hey lovelies, long time no post. I'm not going to come on here and lie to you and say I was super busy and I didn't have time to post. I was simply feeling uninspired. I don't want to come on here and post reviews and hauls when I don't think that is really helping anybody. I want this blog to be a place where I can really help people. No, I'm not an expert in well... anything but I feel like even if sharing my stories helps even one person, that's all that matters.

I was scrolling through the Gram (Instagram, the gram is what the cool kids are calling it these days) and I saw a post from an awesome girl that I follow and it was of a new tattoo she got. It was a half butterfly with a semi colon as the body and head. I have heard of the semicolon project and I have always wanted to get that tattooed. If you're not familiar with it, it is to represent people who have struggled (or are struggling) with depression, suicide, addiction or self injury. It represents where an author could have ended a sentence but decided to continue it. The butterfly portion of the tattoo was in support of The Butterfly Project. I hadn't heard about the butterfly project, which was started to bring awareness to people who suffer from self harm. Even though the scars have faded away, I have suffered from self harm. Her post just resonated with me and brought up all of those feelings I used to have. She inspired me to write this post because she was so brave sharing that part of her life. This is something I have never shared with anyone because I was embarrassed and ashamed but if this can help even one person, then it's worth it. 

Bear with me, this was all many years ago so I can't really tell you what exactly was going on in my life. All I remember is how I felt before and after I would cut myself. I think for me it was a control thing, when my life felt like I had no control over my life, I would harm myself and while I was doing it, I would feel in control and the pain felt good honestly. I really don't even remember why I quit. I think it had something to do with my science teacher checking everyone's arms to see if they had been cutting, in the middle of class, not discreetly at all I might add. She would check our arms for cutting and if she saw cuts she would make you go out into the hall and take you to talk to someone in the office. This practice still upsets me to this day. What gave her the right to check people's arms and call them out in front of all of their classmates and possible undergo even more scrutiny? Anyway, I did have marks on my arm but when she looked at them I told her that they were cat scratches and she believed me. A few of my classmates jokingly called me a cutter and I brushed it off even though it was true. I remember stopping shortly after that because I didn't want people to see the marks and get suspicious because I felt like if people found out they would mock me and that is the last thing I wanted. 

The reason I am sharing this is really not to discuss the details of my self harm, it's to let anyone know that no matter how out of control your life feels, only you can control how you feel. I have struggled so much with happiness. Little things can easily set me off and ruin my day, you just have to remember, for all of those bad days, there are so many more good days. For all of those things that set you off and make you want to harm yourself, there are so many good things that you can focus on instead. Do not get me wrong, I have bad thoughts all the time and I just have to focus on the good things in my life and eventually they go away. If all you do is focus on the bad things, you will make yourself miserable. I used to be miserable and I used to constantly be at war with myself and when I see people like that now it breaks my heart because I used to be there. From time to time I still find myself there because I'll start to pick apart other people because I'm not feeling the greatest, you just have to bring yourself back. Changing your mindset takes time and practice, just like learning anything new. Do not give up because I promise you, it's worth it. Choose happiness. 

I would always recommend seeking treatment if you feel like harming yourself. I didn't see any one but some things I would recommend to just help your mind and body in general would be: 

1. Meditation: meditation has helped me cope with my stress so much. If I'm feeling really stressed, I put my headphones on and take ten minutes to do a guided mediation. 

2. Find a hobby: Find something you love doing and focus on that. A few things I enjoy doing are, coloring, playing with makeup and trying new looks and taking and editing photos. 

3. Help others: Share your story, volunteer, just be kind. In a world where it feels like everyone is so judgmental, just being nice and doing something nice for someone else is so rewarding. Seeing someone light up because of something you said or did feels amazing. 

If you feel like you're feeling like everything is out of control and you feel like you can't talk to anyone, talk to me, share your story on this anonymous blog dedicated to The Butterfly Project HERE, try anything to keep you from harming yourself. You will be surprised how many complete strangers will listen and offer comfort and advice. I have never shared my full story with anyone and years later just talking about it right now, has been so helpful. 

I would like to start an advice type of series on my blog so if there is something you're struggling with, leave me a comment below. I would love to help. Help me use my psych degree, haha. 

I hope this inspired or helped who it was meant to and until next time my lovelies... 

xoxo,

Bree Michelle 

What 2015 Taught Me:

Welcome back! I hope everyone had a great new year! I'm back with a reflection on the past year. I was watching Marissa Lace's video on YouTube about this and I felt really inspired to write this. 2015 was a great year, it had some ups and it had its downs, like all years do. I learned a lot about myself and about my relationships, both romantic and not. Here is what 2015 taught me: 

- Be happy/ Do what makes you happy: This year, I've dealt a lot with people who talk negatively behind my back. At first it really bothered and upset me but I realized that it really has nothing to do with me. As long as I am focusing all of my attention on being happy and doing what makes me happy, that's all that matters. Not everyone is going to like me, and the fact that I refuse to let them affect me upsets them even more but that's not my problem.  I've also made more of an effort to monitor my negative thoughts about other people. Letting go of all of that negativity has really helped. 

- Meditate: Towards the end of the year, I really started taking time out of my crazy schedule to truly relax and I don't mean sitting on the couch watching tv. I mean completely clearing my head and just being in the moment. When I start to feel anxious or stressed I

look up guided meditations online. It has helped so much with my anxiety and my mind in general. 

- Sometimes you need a relationship to end for you to realize it wasn't right for you: I think when we are in a relationship we get so caught up in it we don't realize it's not right. When it ends, you get that chance to step back and really evaluate it and evaluate what you want. Yes, you'll be sad at first but I like to think that everything happens for a reason and everything that happens is a learning experience. I also think if you have the opportunity to stay friends or get back together or whatever it is, do what you think is best for you. You don't have to worry about making that person happy anymore. If you think something isn't right for you, you can step back from it and take time to evaluate it. 

- People are so obsessed with labels when it comes to relationships: I think that everyone is so obsessed with labels when it comes to relationships, everyone wants to be "Facebook official" because people want everyone to know all of the great things going on in their lives on there. If you have fun with someone and you enjoy their company, then who really cares if everyone else knows? You don't always have to label everything, just focus on enjoying someone's company. 

- Stop overthinking: You guys have no idea how bad I was at overthinking. I know this is a hard thing to overcome but once you do, it's glorious. I try and just take things at face value now and it is so much nicer. Especially when it comes to dealing with people you're romantically involved in, because really, guys don't think at all, they just do and say whatever they need to. They don't go around thinking like "if I do this, it really means this." No. Bottom line: don't try and over analyze everything, take it at face value. 

- Embarking on a fitness journey for you and only you: I started out 2015 kicking butt with my fitness journey, I was working out all the time, lifting, doing cardio, feeling so good about myself. Then things got in the way, I went on vacation and other things and I stopped. I can't tell you how many people tried to get me back into it, but I didn't. Then 2015 started coming near a close and it just clicked for me. I want to get back into my journey. It just has to click for you, no one else can make you do it. 

LIVE: The year ended on a sad note, I lost someone I loved dearly, my grandmother, on December 18th. I just know that she would want me to live my life with no regrets. You never know when your time is up so just make sure that you make the most out of this life. It's too short to be sad, it's too short to waste your time on people that don't care about you, and it's too short to focus on all of the negative things. 

These are things that I learned. I'm not really sure why I felt inspired to write this but if it helps at least one person, amazing. I would love to hear what you learned in 2105, write me a comment, tweet me, comment on my Instagram, send me smoke signals, whatever. 

Here's to making 2016 amazing! 

Xoxo, 

Bree Michelle

As always, social media: 

Twitter: @blopez920

Instagram: @bybreemichelle